Book

Penis Envy/ I Was Raised Not To Love

"I'd never seen a creature so beautiful and horrible at the same time. It attracted, mystified and repelled me all at once.

He seemed strong, yet he was quiet--even if while looking upon me he was somewhat baffled.

How could someone like myself exist in this modern world? I could practically read his thoughts from the expression on his face. He perhaps sensed that I may be unnatural, while to me, because he was so unknown and terrifying, staring at me as he was, I felt that he was a monster."


A Note of Warning

My Period- A strange time when the dropping of an ink pen can evolve into a situation when ambulances are called and animals may be sacrificed.

I considered doing a tweet today about how being a Baptist is a hard row to ho but, I am not a good Baptist at all, so no wonder it's so difficult to ho my row.

All of these interesting little inspirations have been happening in my creative life.

The sentence had to end there because I am so grateful that the inspirations keep occurring. That has to stand alone. Then I have to say...

One of my greatest weaknesses is caring what others think of me and what I am doing, down to the slightest detail and if I am misunderstood or perceive that I am misunderstood, it is very painful and distracting, up to a point. Then I move on but am less open and yet, I want to stay open.

One can't respect and admire others hardly anymore, even from a distance, without them (rightly so in today's world) being protective. Even I am that way.

In the way of excuses, I have that I am a captive, basically, and until my life's mission where I am is completed, and even after, perhaps, there is no other real mission, other than creative expression. This is my lot in life for now. As I mentioned, I am thus grateful for the inspiration that reaches me. It's a miracle that much has reached me. Miracles are greeted with awe and that is what I have/had.

Then there is the pain and doubt that I have expressed appreciation all wrong. I have no idea how to express anything correctly, except general gratitude and manners and I fuck those up pretty often too.

So I want to hide, but then I really am alone and that is worse than the pain of expressing everything incorrectly and offending all Heaven and Nature. My path in life is unnatural, therefore, so shall be all my relations. I've learned a lot though (really learned a lot). And I am still moving on my path, it just happens to be one that I am alone on. I see others clearly in the distance and wish to join them but know I can't. Probably, the rules have been broken too often, already.

That's where most of my craziness comes from, my difference, just knowing that it can't really be changed...

I need to call some sort of hotline for wrong thoughts...

several times a day.

music and voice effects, after tomorrow.


Degradation of value
as time ticks down
sigh
roll your eyes
none of this moment
is important

degradation of wit
and hope
give in
and
be a puppet
it's just time
slipping by
shhh shhh
sigh
shhh shhh
sigh
slipping by
sigh
bye

I'd step back and give it a shot although my aim has never been that great.
I'm fairly blind.
When you are around, though, I feel more like I can see.

I dream with you in my sight and my finger on the trigger- the safest sleep I've ever had, now that you are in line.